Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
