so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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