god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
