Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
