Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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