Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's the barista slut.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
