you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
