Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
