dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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