The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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