I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
