Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
