I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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