i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
