just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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