You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
