when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
