Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
