Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
