You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
