I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
