His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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