she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
