You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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