I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
