see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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