ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found your dick twin last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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