I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
