never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
