we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize