I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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