sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
