would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
