It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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