I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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