dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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