I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
