He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
