He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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