Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
