The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
