I cannot find my penis.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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