Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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