Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize