so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
