I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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