my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
