Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
