hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
