either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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