i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
