I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
