dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize