now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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