i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
