Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
