We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
