he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
