I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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