I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
