in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
