Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
