the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even my farts smell like vagina
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize