I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
