i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
