my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
