The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
