I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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