i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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