i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
