even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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